dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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