remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
