Plan B is the new Plan A
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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