4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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