woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
