Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
vagina is talking i cant
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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