Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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