Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
