How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
