Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
