He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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