you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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