Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
