Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
