Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
