community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
