I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
