I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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