Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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