Swine flu. Run for my life!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
