not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?