Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
