I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize