You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
