My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize