OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
These tits shall not be calmed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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