My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
