Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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