omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
