im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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