I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
