I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
