either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
