FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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