Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
