The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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