Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
