so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
