I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
