Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
