we have officially lost it.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
