I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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