He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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