His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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