70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
