There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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