I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
