Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
