I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
