i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were trust falling into bushes
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