I just pynch a tree in the face
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
