I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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