38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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