i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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