I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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