not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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