Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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