someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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