what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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