One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
