you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
