She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
