ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
