Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
