Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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