You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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