well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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