That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
