Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
